Creating a parenting plan

What is a parenting plan?

A parenting plan is a document that sets out how you and your ex-partner will share the care of your children. It can be as simple or detailed as you need, covering arrangements for where children live, how decisions are made, and how you’ll communicate as co-parents.

Unlike a court order, a parenting plan isn’t legally binding. However, having your agreements written down:

• Reduces misunderstandings
• Provides a reference when memories differ
• Helps maintain consistency for children
• Can form the basis of a consent order if you want legal enforceability

Courts actively encourage parents to make their own arrangements rather than having decisions imposed on them. A good parenting plan shows you can work together in your children’s best interests.

When to create a parenting plan

The best time to create a parenting plan is when you’ve both accepted that separation is happening but before conflict escalates. Early planning helps because:

• You’re more likely to be cooperative
• Children benefit from knowing what to expect
• It sets a positive tone for your co-parenting relationship

However, it’s never too late. Even if you’ve been separated for years, formalising arrangements can reduce ongoing friction.

What to include

A comprehensive parenting plan typically covers these areas:

Living arrangements

• Where the children will live (with one parent primarily, or shared between both)
• The regular weekly schedule
• Arrangements for school nights vs weekends
• How handovers will work (time, place, who does drop-off/pick-up)

Holiday time

• How school holidays are divided
• Arrangements for Christmas, Easter, and other significant holidays
• Summer holiday planning (how much notice is needed?)
• Religious or cultural celebrations

Special occasions

• Birthdays (children’s and parents')
• Mother’s Day and Father’s Day
• Family events like weddings or funerals
• How flexibility will work around special occasions

Day-to-day decisions

• Who makes routine decisions when the child is with them
• How you’ll handle things like haircuts, screen time rules, and bedtimes
• Maintaining consistency between homes

Major decisions

• How you’ll make decisions about education
• Medical treatment and health choices
• Religious upbringing
• International travel

Communication

• How children will stay in touch with the other parent (calls, video chat, messages)
• How often and when contact is appropriate
• How parents will communicate with each other
• What information needs to be shared (school reports, health updates)

Practical matters

• School arrangements (who attends parents’ evenings, sports days)
• Healthcare (who takes children to appointments, how information is shared)
• Extracurricular activities (who decides, who pays, who transports)
• Childcare arrangements when neither parent is available

Introducing new partners

• When and how new partners will meet children
• Guidelines for overnight stays
• How to handle children’s feelings about new relationships

Reviewing and changing the plan

• How often you’ll review arrangements
• How to raise concerns or request changes
• What to do if you can’t agree

Tips for creating your plan

Focus on children’s needs, not parents’ rights

Frame everything around what’s best for your children rather than what’s fair to each adult. This mindset shift makes compromise easier.

Be specific but realistic

Vague arrangements lead to disagreements. Instead of “every other weekend,” specify “alternate weekends from Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm.” But don’t make the plan so rigid it can’t accommodate real life.

Build in flexibility

Life is unpredictable. Include provisions for how you’ll handle unavoidable changes, work trips, illness, and special requests.

Plan for the future

Children’s needs change as they grow. A plan that works for a 5-year-old won’t suit a 15-year-old. Build in regular reviews and acknowledge that arrangements will evolve.

Keep emotion out of it

Write the plan when you’re calm, not immediately after an argument. If direct discussion is too difficult, use a mediator or exchange proposals in writing.

Consider the children’s views

Depending on their age, involve your children in discussions about what works for them. Don’t make them feel responsible for decisions, but do listen to their preferences.

Creating the plan together

You can create a parenting plan:

On your own – sit down together and work through each topic, writing down what you agree.

With a mediator – a neutral professional guides your discussion and helps you find solutions when you’re stuck.

Through solicitors – each parent’s solicitor negotiates on their behalf and drafts the agreement.

Using online tools – Cafcass offers a free online parenting plan builder that prompts you through the key topics.

However you create it, both parents should have a copy and genuinely commit to following it.

Making your plan legally binding

A parenting plan on its own isn’t enforceable by law. If one parent stops following it, the other can’t take them to court for breaching it.

To make arrangements legally binding, you need a court order. If you both agree, you can apply for a consent order – the court approves your agreement without a hearing. The fee is £53.

Having a consent order means:

• Either parent can apply to court if the other breaches it
• Serious breaches can result in enforcement action
• It provides certainty and security

However, many parents manage perfectly well with informal plans. Legal orders aren’t always necessary if you trust each other to cooperate.

When plans break down

Even good plans sometimes stop working. If your ex-partner isn’t following the agreement:

1. Communicate – raise your concerns calmly and directly
2. Review the plan – perhaps it needs updating to reflect changed circumstances
3. Try mediation – a neutral third party can help resolve disputes
4. Seek legal advice – if problems persist, understand your options
5. Apply to court – as a last resort, you can ask a judge to make a child arrangements order

Remember that taking someone to court over minor disagreements rarely helps children. Save legal action for serious issues that genuinely can’t be resolved any other way.