Taking time to reflect
Divorce brings enormous change – to your living situation, finances, family dynamics, and daily life. While some people reach this decision after years of difficulty, others find themselves considering it more suddenly. Either way, there’s no rush to act.
The legal process itself has built-in waiting periods specifically designed to give couples time to be certain. But beyond the legal requirements, your own readiness matters too.
Questions worth asking yourself
There’s no checklist that can tell you whether divorce is the right choice. But these questions might help clarify your thinking:
About your relationship:
- Have you tried to address the problems in your marriage? Would couples counselling help?
- Is this a temporary rough patch or a fundamental incompatibility?
- Have you clearly communicated your unhappiness to your spouse?
- Do you still share common values and goals, even if you’re struggling to connect?
About your readiness:
- Are you making this decision freely, or do you feel pressured?
- Have you considered how divorce will affect your children, finances, and living situation?
- Are you prepared for the emotional journey ahead?
- Do you have support from friends, family, or professionals?
About your future:
- What do you hope life will look like after divorce?
- Are your expectations realistic?
- Have you considered alternatives like separation?
There's no wrong answer
Some marriages can be repaired with effort and support. Others have reached a point where ending them is the healthiest choice for everyone. Only you can know which situation applies to you – and it’s okay if that takes time to figure out.Alternatives to divorce
Divorce isn’t the only option when a marriage is struggling. Depending on your circumstances, you might consider:
Couples counselling
A trained therapist can help you communicate more effectively and work through difficulties. Even if your marriage ultimately ends, counselling can help you part more amicably. Many couples find that investing in professional support clarifies whether the relationship can be saved.
Trial separation
Living apart for a period can give you both space to reflect without the permanence of divorce. You remain legally married but establish separate households. This works well for couples who aren’t certain what they want.
Legal separation
If you want to formalise your separation without ending the marriage – perhaps for religious reasons, or because you’ve been married less than a year – you can apply for a judicial separation. This allows the court to make orders about finances and property while you remain legally married.
Mediation
Even if you’re leaning towards divorce, mediation can help you have productive conversations about what’s not working. Some couples discover through mediation that their differences are more resolvable than they’d thought.
When divorce is clearly the right choice
Sometimes there’s no question that a marriage needs to end. This is often the case when:
- There’s domestic abuse of any kind (physical, emotional, financial, or coercive control)
- Your spouse has made clear they want to end the marriage
- You’ve already tried everything reasonable to repair the relationship
- Staying married is damaging your mental or physical health
- The fundamental trust in your relationship has been destroyed
If you're experiencing domestic abuse
Your safety comes first. You don’t need to work on a relationship where you’re being harmed. Special provisions exist to help domestic abuse survivors through the divorce process, including exemptions from mediation and access to legal aid. Find support for domestic abuse.Getting support while you decide
Whatever you’re feeling, you don’t have to work through this alone.
Counselling – Individual therapy can help you process your emotions and think clearly about your options. Many people find it helpful to speak with someone neutral who isn’t connected to their situation.
Trusted friends and family – Sharing what you’re going through with people who care about you can provide valuable perspective and emotional support.
Legal advice – Understanding your rights and what divorce would actually involve can help you make an informed decision. Many solicitors offer initial consultations where you can ask questions without commitment.
Support groups – Connecting with others who’ve faced similar decisions can be reassuring. Organisations like Relate and Marriage Care offer support regardless of whether you stay together or separate.
When you’ve made your decision
If you’ve decided divorce is right for you, the next step is understanding the process. England and Wales now use a no-fault system, which means you don’t need to blame your spouse or prove anything went wrong – you simply need to state that your marriage has irretrievably broken down.
The process takes a minimum of six months and involves several stages, but most of it can be completed online without attending court.
Ready to learn about the process?
Understand what's involved in applying for divorce, from the paperwork to the timeline.
How to apply for divorce →If you’re still unsure
That’s completely normal. Many people take months or even years to reach a final decision about their marriage. There’s no deadline, and taking time to be certain is far better than rushing into something you might regret.
Consider speaking with a counsellor or therapist who can help you explore your feelings without pushing you in any direction. The decision should be yours, made when you’re ready.