Mediation explained

What is mediation?

Mediation is a process where you and your ex-partner meet with a trained, neutral mediator to discuss and try to resolve your disagreements. The mediator doesn’t make decisions for you – they help you have productive conversations and find solutions you both accept.

Mediation can help with:

• Arrangements for children (where they live, time with each parent)
• Financial matters (dividing property, pensions, savings)
• Practical issues (who keeps what, managing the family home)
• Communication and co-parenting

The MIAM requirement

Before making most applications to the family court about children or finances, you must attend a MIAM – a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting.

A MIAM is an individual meeting with a mediator (usually about 45-60 minutes) where they:

• Explain how mediation works
• Discuss your situation
• Assess whether mediation is suitable for you
• Explain other non-court options
• Check for any safeguarding concerns

You and your ex-partner attend separate MIAMs (or occasionally joint). The mediator then decides if mediation is appropriate for your case.

MIAM exemptions

You don’t have to attend a MIAM if certain exemptions apply:

• There’s evidence of domestic abuse
• It’s an emergency (child protection, risk of harm)
• You’ve attended a MIAM or non-court dispute resolution in the last 4 months
• The other person lives abroad
• One of you is in prison
• The mediator has contacted the other person but they won’t engage

If you claim an exemption, you’ll need to provide evidence when applying to court.

How mediation works

Stage 1: MIAM

You each have an individual meeting with the mediator to discuss your situation and whether mediation is suitable.

Stage 2: Joint sessions

If you both agree to try mediation, you’ll have joint sessions – typically 90 minutes each. The number of sessions depends on complexity: some cases resolve in 2-3 sessions, others need more.

The mediator:

• Keeps discussions constructive
• Ensures both voices are heard
• Helps identify common ground
• Explores options
• Reality-tests proposals
• Helps you understand each other’s perspectives

They don’t:

• Take sides
• Give legal advice
• Make decisions for you
• Force you to agree

Stage 3: Memorandum of understanding

If you reach agreement, the mediator writes up what you’ve agreed in a document called a “memorandum of understanding” (MoU).

This is not legally binding by itself. To make it enforceable, you need to turn it into a consent order (for finances) or a written agreement.

Getting legal advice alongside mediation

Mediators encourage you to get independent legal advice during the process. They can explain options but can’t advise what’s best for you specifically.

Many people see a solicitor before, during, or after mediation to:

• Understand their legal rights
• Check proposed agreements are fair
• Convert the memorandum of understanding into a legal document

Benefits of mediation

Cheaper: Mediation typically costs £2,000-£4,000 total for both people. Court proceedings often cost £15,000-£30,000 per person.

Faster: Most mediations conclude in 6-12 weeks. Court proceedings take 12-24 months.

You stay in control: You decide the outcome, not a judge.

Confidential: What’s discussed in mediation stays private. It can’t be used in court if mediation fails.

Better for relationships: Less adversarial than court, which helps if you need to co-parent going forward.

More flexible: You can find creative solutions that a court couldn’t order.

Higher satisfaction: People are more likely to stick to agreements they helped create.

Costs

MIAM

Typically £115-£180 per person. Free if you qualify for legal aid.

Mediation sessions

Typically £120-£240 per person per session. Joint sessions are often 90 minutes.

Total cost

For straightforward cases: £600-£1,500 per person total For complex finances: £1,500-£3,000 per person total

Still much cheaper than court proceedings.

Help with costs

Legal aid: If you qualify for legal aid, mediation is funded. If one person qualifies, the other person’s costs may also be covered.

Family Mediation Voucher Scheme: The government provides up to £500 towards mediation costs for cases involving children. This applies regardless of income. Ask your mediator about applying.

What happens if we can’t agree?

Mediation is voluntary. If you can’t reach agreement:

• The mediator will sign a form confirming you attended and tried
• You can then apply to court
• Nothing you said in mediation can be used against you

Many cases reach partial agreement – you resolve some issues and only take the remaining disputes to court.

Finding a mediator

Choose a mediator accredited by the Family Mediation Council (FMC). Only FMC-accredited mediators can sign the forms needed for court applications.

Search at: www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/find-local-mediator

Look for:

• FMC accreditation
• Experience with your type of issue (children, finances, or both)
• Convenient location (though many offer remote sessions)
• Availability that works for you

Remote mediation

Many mediators now offer video mediation (via Zoom, Teams, etc.). This can be convenient, particularly if meeting face-to-face with your ex-partner feels difficult.

Child-inclusive mediation

Some mediators are trained in “child-inclusive mediation,” where children can have their voice heard (appropriate to their age). This doesn’t mean children decide, but their views can inform discussions.

Other non-court options

Mediation isn’t the only alternative to court:

Solicitor negotiation: Your solicitors negotiate on your behalf.

Collaborative law: You each have a solicitor, but all four of you meet together to negotiate.

Arbitration: A private judge makes a binding decision.

Private FDR: A retired judge gives their view to encourage settlement, like a court FDR but privately arranged.