Support groups

Why support groups help

Shared understanding

Friends and family mean well, but unless they’ve been through divorce themselves, they may not fully understand. In a support group, everyone gets it.

Normalising your experience

Hearing others describe feelings similar to yours can be incredibly reassuring. You’re not going crazy – your reactions are normal.

Practical advice

People further along in the process can share what helped them – practical tips, resources, and strategies.

Reduced isolation

Divorce can be isolating. A support group provides connection when you may have lost some of your social network.

Hope

Seeing others who’ve come through the other side offers hope that things do get better.

Types of support groups

Facilitated groups

Led by a trained facilitator (often a counsellor or coach). These typically:

• Have structured sessions with themes
• Follow ground rules for respectful discussion
• May include educational content
• Offer a safe, managed environment

Peer support groups

Run by people who’ve been through divorce themselves. Less structured but often very supportive.

Online communities

Forums, Facebook groups, Reddit communities, and other online spaces. Available 24/7 from anywhere.

App-based support

Some apps connect you with others going through divorce for peer support and messaging.

Faith-based groups

Many churches and religious organisations run divorce support groups, often with a spiritual dimension.

Finding a support group

Local groups

• Relate: Runs support groups in some areas
• Citizens Advice: May know of local groups
• Libraries and community centres: Often host or advertise support groups
• Search online: “[your area] divorce support group”
• Ask your GP or counsellor: They may know local resources

Online options

• Facebook groups: Search for “UK divorce support” – several active groups exist
• Reddit: r/divorce has an active community
• Mumsnet/Dadsnet: Forums with sections on separation and divorce
• Specific apps: Some divorce apps include community features

National organisations

• Relate: Some centres run groups
• Gingerbread: Support for single parents
• Families Need Fathers / Both Parents Matter: Support for parents around contact issues

What to expect

Ground rules

Most good groups have rules about:

• Confidentiality (what’s shared in the group stays in the group)
• Respect (no judgement, no interrupting)
• Participation (listening as well as sharing)
• Safety (no contact details shared without consent)

Typical format

A facilitated group might include:

• Check-in: How is everyone this week?
• Theme: Discussion of a particular topic (anger, co-parenting, moving on)
• Sharing: People talk about their experiences
• Support: Group offers support and suggestions
• Close: Summary and preparation for the week ahead

Emotions

Groups can bring up strong emotions. It’s normal to cry, feel angry, or be triggered by others’ stories. Good facilitators manage this sensitively.

Varied stages

People in groups are at different stages – some newly separated, others years down the line. This variety can be helpful (you see the path ahead) but also challenging (your issues might be different).

Making the most of groups

Be open

Share honestly, but only what you’re comfortable with. Trust builds over time.

Listen actively

Supporting others is as valuable as being supported. It takes the focus off your own problems and builds connection.

Respect boundaries

Don’t push others to share more than they want to. Don’t offer unsolicited advice unless asked.

Maintain confidentiality

Don’t discuss what others share outside the group. Trust is essential.

Try it more than once

The first session can feel awkward. Give it a few tries before deciding it’s not for you.

Know when to step back

If a group consistently makes you feel worse, or if you find yourself comparing or competing, it may not be the right fit.

Online groups: pros and cons

Advantages

• Available anytime, anywhere
• Anonymity if you prefer it
• Large communities with diverse experiences
• Easy to dip in and out

Disadvantages

• Less personal connection
• Variable quality of advice
• Risk of negativity spirals
• Less accountability
• No professional facilitation

Tips for online groups

• Observe before participating (get a feel for the group culture)
• Take advice with a pinch of salt
• Don’t engage with negativity
• Protect your privacy
• Step away if it’s not helping

When group support isn’t enough

Support groups are valuable but have limits. Consider additional help if:

• You need more personalised support
• You’re dealing with complex trauma or mental health issues
• Group settings feel overwhelming
• You need professional advice (legal, financial)

Groups work well alongside counselling, not necessarily instead of it.